Recognizing Silver Linings

It’s often in the wake of accidents or difficult events that we confront the reality of taking life for granted. Such unexpected occurrences compel us to pause and reassess what we truly value, often revealing silver linings that can be deeply life changing.

I’d like to take a moment to reflect on the silver linings woven into a recent freak accident that touched our lives. While the specifics of the event are secondary, here’s a brief summary: My husband was injured while playing with kids at a family chicken fry. It was a terrifying experience for everyone involved, but he is expected to make a full recovery. He’s already far exceeded all of the milestones we’ve set for him. He’s doing.so.good. He feels nearly “normal” again; his normal, because let’s face it…he was never normal to begin with! haha!

ALL THE SILVER LININGS

Enhanced Resilience & Strength

I’ve discovered both resilience and strength as we have navigated these last few weeks. When all I wanted to do was sob uncontrollably - I somehow held it together in front of Carl. Every time he woke up, he asked a lot of questions about what happened because he has no memory of it. Answering those questions made me relive the event on repeat. Each time he asked, the answers came a bit easier. It also helped that I had my brother and SIL with me the whole time. If I couldn’t find the courage to speak, they chimed right in; Carl responds well to both of them. We’ve all been friends for a very long time; even before we were dating, Carl & my brother were friends. Yes, this is a case of sister marries brother’s friend.

Recognizing Support Network

I am a very private person. I will listen to all the problems/concerns/goings-on of the people around me but will very rarely give any details of my own life and what I’m going through. I am happy to be that friend that people can talk to, only giving advice when asked. This experience has allowed me to open up a bit and truly rely on our close-knit support group of family, friends, coworkers, and neighbors in both Illinois & Indiana. It has made me realize how many people love and care about us both; unfortunately, it takes something like this to really grasp that. I have been completely humbled by the number of people reaching out asking “what can I do to help - what do you need”. I deeply recognize the value of our friendships and connections now more than ever.

Supportive Family Presence & Bonding

The accident happened while surrounded by family, and their immediate support was invaluable in helping us navigate the tough weeks that followed. It sounds a bit sick to say, but I have so many memories from those first couple days in the hospital. Carl was heavily medicated and the things he said and did made us laugh. We were also beyond the point of being slap happy from lack of sleep. As he was being air e-vac’d to Springfield…my brother was packing, not only our weekend bags but also a bag for my SIL. I think she had enough clothes for 10 days because he didn’t know where we were going at this point (there was a potential for Indy)…he did so good to pack a variety too. I’m pretty sure his “bag” was undies, a couple t-shirts and his sleeping shorts. We laughed until we cried. After being discharged, we were at my brother & SIL’s house for 12 days. It didn’t feel like that long (until the last night when I was so desperate to get home and see our pups). We were comfortable there; spent our days watching the goats, cats, chickens, cows, etc. We had a good routine and it was really nice having their company all day. It was just the four of us because Carl wasn’t up for too much commotion. He would wake up from a nap and ask “Where’s Justin Allison? I like it when we are all together.” I can’t imagine spending those days anywhere else; it truly was a quiet retreat where we all could heal.

Bonding: We have lived away for a very long time, only in IL for weekends at a time. I’ve missed way too much of my nephew/nieces lives because of the distance. The time Carl spent recovering allowed me time with them…piled in one room, laughing about high-heel clasps on Homecoming shoes and coveted boots for school pictures. We shopped for picture day outfits; they kept this mamaw out past my bedtime. I got to watch cheer and volleyball and help my nephew with English quizzes. Turns out we aren’t great after 10PM.

I saw my parents more than I ever have…it was nice that they came out every couple nights. They wanted to see Carl and his progress but it was great for me too. I’ve never been able to call my mom and say “can you come out and give Carl a haircut?” - and she was there within 30 minutes. It seems piddly, but you don’t know how nice that is until you’ve experienced going without.

FUN TRIP: For those of you who know me know that I cannot stand annoying noises (clicking, tapping, chewing, all of the above)…I was pretty desperate to get out of the house and get some fresh air so I asked my brother if I could tag along while he ran some errands. One of those errands was picking up 60 chicks from the post office. I did not think this through…the peeping - 60 peeping chicks for 40+ minute ride. I plugged my ears at one point; my brother thought it was hilarious.

Enhanced Family Communication

The situation has fostered open and heartfelt communication among family members, deepening our understanding and empathy for one another. I want to take a minute to talk about my cousin, the one closely involved, and the bond we have. We were raised like sisters, fight like sisters, and love hard like sisters; she makes me laugh hard and is one of my biggest fans. A couple days after Carl was discharged from the hospital, we FaceTime’d to talk about everything; my feelings and hers, all the questions, the what-ifs, the guilt we were both carrying about ‘we should have’. It was both exhausting and therapeutic. It was 90+ minutes of sobbing. There is something to be said about being able to be 100% candid with someone and knowing they get you; seeing the love on each other’s faces and emotion in each other’s blood shot eyes.

Cousin: Another cousin & her daughter raced behind the ambulance to meet me there in the waiting room because they didn’t want me to be alone.

Cousin-in-law: A cousin-in-law took charge of the situation before the medics arrived. He told my brother to dial 911, kept Carl sitting up and talking, and kept him from trying to stand up (which was a pretty big job).

Other-in-laws: Everyone who knew what was going on had a job to do…including bringing cold towels/fans/puke bucket…anything and everything to help out. And when I didn’t realize my hands were covered in blood it was a quiet “Steph, wash your hands”. After returning home from the hospital we were greeted with food and prescriptions because the pharmacy closed early on Labor Day, and they went without question. Every day that first week it was “I’m going to pick this up, here’s an eye mask, here’s a neck pillow, I’m making XXX for dinner, can I bring pizza?” We never had to ask, everything we needed just arrived.

Cousin: (not on this side of the family) Immediately texted saying “we are praying.” And days after when I called him to talk, he listened to me weep.There were so many questions and raw emotions those first days; I wanted to make sure I had the answers to process everything. I never wanted anyone to feel any blame in those questions. He told me that I would find the right words when talking to the cousin involved. He has a way with making everyone feel calm, no matter how terrible the situation. Even after we made it home, he texted letting us know we are still in his thoughts and prayers.

2nd Cousin: (not on this side of the family) Kept in daily contact asking for updates and saying all the right things. I have never felt more loved and more supported. You know those people who just seem to know what to say; they know when to crack a joke and when to send a heart emoji. This is her. She knows who she is and I love her dearly.

All the Love

And just when I think there is no possible way I could love this man anymore, here we are. The accident has deepened our love and strengthened our bond. When you are able to express the level of fear you experienced and are met with apologies, hand holds, tears, and hugs; it reinforces how deeply we care for each other. When you are running on negative hours of sleep, literally empty on all energy but you get up to help him in the shower because it’s the only relief he can get; that’s love. When you sleep on the floor because you are desperate to be in the room, but don’t want to disturb him; that’s love. When you massage his neck and shoulders until it feels like your arms are going to fall off; that’s love. You reach a point where you will do anything to help him feel better; that’s love…and when you’ve tried it all and he’s still very irritated and thrashing around, you go wake up Kenzie (my sis-in-law). <insert high-five, team gif>

We’ve been married for 22 years this month, on the 28th. It’s just the two of us and our two pups, Brucie and Betty. He is my whole world, and since we live five hours from our nearest relative, we rely heavily on each other. I keep thinking all of the ‘what ifs’ but the consistent what if that keeps ringing is what if this would have happened in Indiana…far away from our family? I think about that first week, when no one was sleeping; how would I have made it through? Yes, we have very close friends that we consider family but it’s just different. I can’t explain it.

New Perspective on Life

We’ve gained a renewed perspective on what truly matters, allowing us to focus more on the positives in our daily lives. Even the little things, like sleeping through the night, feel so much more meaningful now; we went nearly 10 days without a full night’s rest. The first 24 hours after the accident were the most critical, and I can’t express the relief we felt when we heard, “With time, he will make a full recovery.” When faced with something that scary, all the trivial BS fades away.

You know, all of this has really hit home for me. It’s a wake-up call to figure out what truly matters in life. We need to cherish our connections and savor the little joys that often slip by unnoticed. It’s the meaningful moments—the ones filled with love, support, and understanding—that really shape our journey. So let’s focus on what counts and live intentionally. After all, it’s the relationships and experiences that bring real meaning to our lives.